Tony and Eurydice

I said I'd tell you a bit more about Eurydice last time - I know a bit more about her than she thinks I do. Mr H took me on one side just after she arrived and asked me to take care of her, make sure she was OK, keep her on the rails - he had this idea that she was quite likely to get rescued and that if it didn't happen, she'd have really big problems coming to terms with it. I asked him why he was so keen, and he told me the whole story, the boyfriend, the snakes, the lot - including the fact that he quite fancied her himself, but didn't want anyone (well, Persephone for starters ) to find that out, otherwise the rescue might get a bit too much help, and he quite liked the idea of her being down here for a while.

What he didn't tell me, though, was that he wasn't the only immortal with an interest in her - or to be a bit more precise, an interest in her because of who she was with up there. It's amazing how many mortals manage to upset the gods without even realising it - take me for instance, yes I know I was having it off with someone else's wife, but she swore he wasn't bothered by stuff like that, so it was a bit of a nasty shock when he decided I needed a trip down here and that he was going to help me make the journey.
Anyway, it would appear that Eurydice's chap has really pissed off a god or goddess, possibly more than one even, so he / she / they want to make him as miserable as possible.

Since the campaign for mortal rights that kicked off when people got really upset about what the immortals got up to, there are now rules that stop them just going up there and dragging someone off to the Underworld. There are now loads of rules about everything - all about stopping gods infringing mortal rights or something - it was a trade-off they had to accept to keep their status as recipients of sacrifices and the other perks of the job.
Actually, the whole deal is quite interesting - for instance they are still allowed to take the form of animals, but now they're not allowed to have sex with mortals while they're in that form. That kind of makes sense in a way, modern morals being what they are - I was always a bit sceptical about that side of things - I don't really believe that women actually fancied swans or bulls enough to make babies with them - more than a few incompatibilities I reckon - so it's more likely that they knew what the score was. In other words, they had a very good idea who was hiding in the feathers or the leather and either played along with the pretence or just let it happen to them. If it all worked out, their kids would end up semi-immortal and so would be in a position to look after them when they got too old to trade on their good looks, which is often all they'd got to start with - well, they never seemed to have potential career prospects up there, seeing as how football hadn't really caught on, so there was no-one rich to marry unless you were royalty, which they usually weren't, as the gods tried their best not to upset rich people and kings, because they gave the best tribute.
Yes I know it seems odd - they can't screw mortals when they're in animal form, but they can kill them - like they did me. Apparently that was part of the deal - in the normal world, some animals do kill people so it's OK for the gods to do it too - but they've got to make it real - they can't turn into a giant mouse and bite someone's head off, for example.

So back to the Eurydice thing - I was quite surprised when she finally arrived - she wasn't supposed to be really dead, according to her plan ( the one Mr H talked me through) but there she was, seriously bereft of life. Naturally, she didn't believe that she was - well, not for a while anyway, but after a few days, when loverboy didn't show - not a good advertisement for the male gender, that, promising to go to the gates of hell and beyond, then, when the chips are down, not going any further than next door's garden gate and messing around with Mrs Nobody - anyway, when he didn't show straight away, and she realised this could be for real ( I think the post mortem and funeral helped) she kind of went off the rails a bit - as predicted - and I got called in to sort the mess out.

Obviously, the first thing she does is fall for me. Happens every time - nothing I can do about it - but I actually fancy her a bit too, for once. If I'm stuck here four months a year, it would be nice to have a bit more choice than the Queen of the Dead - a right drama queen of the dead, if you ask me - for someone who's married to someone else, she doesn't half get possessive when it suits. And these days, that's all the time I'm down here. So a distraction, an attractive one at that, might be quite nice.

That's why, when she makes it clear at the first session that she's interested, I play along. I tell her that her reaction to being unexpectedly dead is completely normal, when in fact it's seriously off the scale - no-one else I've ever met has kicked up quite that much fuss, even the stroppiest of the neo-dead - and then I arrange to meet her later on. And as usual, I make up a story about being held up to see how keen they really are - they usually wait for as long as it takes, and if not, I say goodbye ( nicely) but not her - she blows me out ! And in public too! No-one's ever done that to me before, and that makes me even more interested in her.
So then I tell her the story of my life - so far - hoping to get a reaction - but after all that she still seems less interested in me than in him up there. She's obviously smitten with him, so after a bit of a battle with my conscience, I decide to help her. Well, she is a nice person, someone who deserves better than what's happening to her now. And if it doesn't work out for her, at least she thinks I'm a good guy - that might pay off in the longer term. I didn't realise I was so cynical and manipulative until now, now I'm writing it all down.
So I tell her I know a bit about the ins and outs of being rescued - well it has happened to me once a year for quite some time now - and I promise to share a few tips with him up there (once he shows up) about how to do it, so they both end up alive and out of here.
Now all we've got to do is wait for him to get here and try.