Loverboy finally makes it down here

I just heard the news from Mr H. He's finally got here - well, he's on his way down the tunnel that leads to the river. He's coming to rescue me from here. And about time too, I say to myself. Actually, I'm not sure whether I want to laugh or cry at this point - my feelings are all confused and mixed up - it seems such a long time since I saw him and I can't help wondering how I'm going to feel when I finally do. I'm not sure whether I'm going to throw myself into his arms and let him hold me for ever or give him a good slap for what he's been up to since I went away.
Mr H isn't a lot of help here, other than giving me the news. I told him that I wanted to see him as soon as possible, but he says I've got to wait until he's actually down here, across the river, past the guard dog and all that. He says the rules won't allow me to appear before he gets all the way here. Personally, I think he's making it up as he goes along, but I can't really argue with him right now. He says that if I showed up before then I might distract him - either he'd lose concentration and mess things up or he'd take one look at me, see a dead body, change his mind, run away and not come back. Thanks for that, I thought - that gives me a lot of confidence about how things could go. So I try to get him to let me at least watch him do the business but make sure he doesn't see me, so I don't put him off. He's not keen, but he eventually gives in - but I've got to agree to stay invisible and that I won't try to attract his attention or cheat in any way at all and, what's more, he's going to come up with me to make sure I don't. Like I said, he makes it up as he goes along.

So off I go to get ready, put all my best stuff on - all the stuff I know he'll like and remember - and make sure the make-up's spot on after all, a girl's got to look her best, even when she is invisible - maybe especially when she is invisible - it's a confidence thing, don't ask.

When I manage to get to the river bank, he's already half way across - he's managed to charm the old guy who works the ferry even though he's not got the right money for the fare and he's very obviously not dead.
I find out afterwards that when he got to the place the ferry starts from he asked for a return ticket, which made the old guy nearly wet himself, because no-one ever gets one - he doesn't do them - at first he just thought it was a big laugh and that this guy didn't really understand the rules. So he let him on the boat, without having to pay, thinking to himself that he'd be in for a really nasty shock when he got to the other side,as it were. No way back, there for the duration. But during the crossing, though, they got into talking about things like music, life and death and he explained why he was coming down here and the old guy took pity on him ( and me, too) and promised he'd help him get back if he could - but the price of that was that he had to perform at a family do for him. I didn't ask what sort of do it was, or what the music would be - I just had a feeling it would be a bit weird all round, but that was his business - just as long as the deal held when it mattered, and that it was for two passengers, he could agree to whatever he liked.

Then he landed on the other side of the river and I got a good look at him for the first time for what felt like ages. It was really difficult not to let him know I was there - I had a terrible urge just to rush up to him and hold him so tight - and he looked so good, if a little thinner and rather tired - well, he had been travelling for a few days and was a bit - To be honest, it just brought back all the old feelings I had for him, and in my own mind I think I forgave him straight away for what had happened with Mrs Nobody - he must have been devastated by what happened to me- and I felt more than a bit guilty about what I'd put him through by doing that deal with the snakes and all that. Mr H must have read my thoughts and he nudged me to remind me of the deal I'd agreed to. No touching, no showing up. Not fair.
So now he's got his feet on dry land again, part one accomplished, and all he's got to do now is avoid getting chewed by the guard dog. The last person to try got turned into three portions of dog food, one for each head, and never made it any further - well, not alive, anyway.

So now it's the real test, and he's got to sing for his supper - well, more like sing not to be something else's supper, and I've got to just watch while it happens. He's off to a good start, obviously not lost the powers he had up there, and after a couple of minutes he's got two of the heads eating out of the palm of his hand. Unfortunately, head No 3 wants to eat the palm of his hand, the rest of his hand, and the rest of him too, and it's resisting his charms big style. I can see him pause to catch his breath, and he kind of gasps - there's not a lot of air down here, anyway, and if you add triple dog-breath to that, it's a bit of a shock to the system. As soon as he pauses, the two heads he's got all pacified suddenly join in with the other one and go for him again. He's losing ground rapidly, and I have to do something - so I have a quick decision to make - I can't appear, that would be against the rules and the deal I shook on, but I can throw sticks (and bones if need be) and that's just what I do. Two of the heads look round to see what's going on, and the other one goes back under his spell right away, and after a bit longer, he's managed to get all of them nodding to the beat like those dogs in the back window of cars. Mr H gives me a dirty look, but even he has to admit that was some charming act, one that no-one's managed before. So he heads off to the centre of the Underworld.
Now all he's got to do is finish the journey and meet up with Mr H and his other half to convince them to let me go with him. I'm having serious doubts about Mr H, so I play the last card I've got , and go and see Tony and get him to explain to the Ice Queen that her other half is trying to keep me down here because he fancies me, and see what that does.
For some reason, he's quite happy to do that for me, so we'll see what happens now. I go back to my place, and check how I look, then make my way to the centre for the big decision.