How does he do it?

As soon as I get out of the room it's like someone has turned the lights on (or off, depending on how you see it) and everything shifts back into perspective - almost like he never existed - and that makes me wonder what exactly is going on - there must be something about being in the same room as him that makes you think like that. A very odd feeling, that one, a lot like being hypnotised. I'm not sure I like that feeling. So how do I deal with all of that ? I need to look at what I want and what choices I've got.
Yes, I know he's really incredibly cute and fanciable but (a) he's spoken for - and given who she is, when she speaks, it stays spoken, believe me!
And (b) I am ( well I was before I died, anyway) engaged to someone up there who is, even as we speak, heading down here to rescue me. Or so it would appear. So I'm spoken for too, really.
And finally, (c) there's definitely something odd about a bloke who can make you feel like I did when he's there, wanting to run away with him and forget everything and then you find it wears off when he isn't. Odd, as I said.
Looking back now, it makes me shiver a bit - I don't like to feel controlled like that, not at all. So it would probably be a good idea to keep away from him.
That gives me a problem though, because I've arranged to meet him later to talk about things. I can't really cancel, it might offend him - so I guess we'll just have to turn up and see how it goes.
Look at me - I've gone from totally confident about what I want to being totally scared about what might go wrong - and all of that in less than five minutes. I don't like that feeling, not at all. It isn't like me one little bit. I don't do that. So now what do I do ?

I know everyone thinks I'm fickle and superficial - well, I do kind of give that impression - but deep down I'm not really like that, it just doesn't suit me to let people think they can control what I do - I've got to be in control enough to feel that I can make my own decisions. Even if I don't really.

Yes, I do know that my decision making hasn't exactly worked out as I hoped - otherwise I wouldn't be down here. That's pretty obvious, but we all know that sometimes things don't quite go according to plan.

So, what do I do now ? Do I stay faithful to him up there or do I try for something more with Tony? He hasn't been faithful to me, I know that, but I'm feeling all confused about what I should do next. I'm also not sure what Tony wants, either. He might just be interested in my mind. Don't laugh, it is possible. Or he might be a bit of a bastard and be after another notch on his bedpost. I can't really tell what his intentions are, it's all a bit confused.

I usually play things by ear, you know, go with the flow, no big plans, although sometimes I do try to make things happen, but I'm not sure that'll work down here. My judgement does seem a bit off since I died. That's true to some extent, but now I come to think about it, though, I tried to plan the "event" that led to me actually being down here in the first place, and I thought it would work, too, so that wasn't exactly what I normally do, and as it turns out it wasn't smart planning either.

All of that makes me start thinking - why did I make that plan ? If it was so unlike what I'd usually do, what made me think it was a good idea?
The more I look at it, the less sense it makes. If I'm spontaneous, which I like to think I am, what on earth made me plan that ? It's not like it was something easy - no - it was something so complex that lots of things could possibly go wrong. Ans some of them did, which is why I'm here. That gives me another very strange feeling - something else that doesn't make sense to me.

To come back to the present, I realise that it's getting closer to decision time about how to play this one all the time. Now I've only got 25 minutes to go - and it will take me at least 15 of those to make my mind up what I want to look like, and obviously that will depend quite a bit on what I want to get out of it. Either I need to make him want me or I don't. So what do I want ? I don't know for sure, at least I don't think so. So what do I do about it?
Maybe I should toss a coin.
That sounds a good idea. There's no shortage of those, everyone who comes down here has got one to pay for the ferry (usually covered in spit, because it's in their mouth, so it's a bit gross) and all that Charon does with them is chuck them onto the river bank. Well, there's nothing down here for him to spend it on, so there's no point in him hanging on to them, is there ? Plus there is the question of why anyone would want to hang on to coins that are all slippery with spit, snot, whatever - it's not exactly fun is it. If I was him, I'd try and persuade families to put the fare in a little pocket for him rather than shoving it in their mouth. It's not hygienic at all.
So I go and pick one up from the bank, wash it, and decide that I'll say heads I wait for him up there, tails I make a play for him down here. Hmmm. Tails. So I say best of three. OK - it's heads this time. That's 1 each. Ready ? here we go.
Tails - again. So I say to myself that we'll go for best of five.
I think you'll agree it's becoming clear that I've decided what I actually want, but the coin - or fate - seems to keep saying something different. Now it's Heads again - that's 2 each. So now it's really crunch time - wait for it - here it comes - Tails. Crap. Not what I wanted.
I don't think I can really justify going for best of 7, even if it's telling me to do something I really don't want to do. I have a horrid feeling it will come out with the same answer anyway if I do take it further. It just seems to me that down here I don't have that much choice about what I do. Fate seems to be giving me a rather big hint. So I'd better just get on with it. A bit half-hearted, though. Better go and get ready. Got to look my best.