The master plan - infallible or what( NOT)

So the plan - as I see it, is to wind him up about his ability to charm wild beasts with his music. He's never done snakes (or spiders or scorpions for that matter - don't think he's doing them alphabetically, but who knows - could be that he is and I've not spotted it ) so I reckon I'll just casually drop into the conversation something about this guy I've seen down at the harbour, off one of the boats from the "mysterious orient", a guy who can charm snakes with a tootle of his pipe. That should make him jealous. He thinks he's god's gift to the charming fraternity, and to find someone who can charm something he can't ( or hasn't tried yet) will really wind him up. That's Step One.
Step Two is to go all girly on him and say " I'm sure a big strong talented musician like you could charm anything he wanted, even snakes" just so's he feels even more bad about this and, if I'm really lucky he'll stamp about for a bit and then make a vow that he'll show them...all of them.. he is a bit like that, when he gets wound up - could be a problem he had with not having "normal" (as in human) parents, like the rest of us. Gods kind of set different standards, don't they. It's all so easy to them, just comes naturally, so they expect a lot more from you.
So then we go onto Step Three ...where he invites everyone round to show off his skill and how he can do the charming bit with snakes. He'll play something and every serpent in the imediate neighbourhood will make a beeline for my garden and dance along to his tune, like a conga line at a hen party. Obviously that approach will work with most of them, but the ones I've sorted out will come along too and after a while one of them will bite me, just when he thinks he's got it all sussed. Oh dear. Now she's dead. And it's all his fault. Serious ( and I mean SERIOUS) guilt trip for him. If I hadn't wanted to show off she'd still be alive.....Good. He deserves it for being an arrogant bastard and flirting with that Penny.

Well, no surprises if I tell you that steps one and two work out exactly as planned. He's really pissed off that this oriental guy can get the old cobras doing what he tells them, and gets in a right huff when I ask him when he's going to do it - is there a problem, I ask, all innocent, is it just snakes you can't charm ? Do they scare you at all ? ...that does it - he's off like a bottle of pop - I'll show them he says, anything some bearded foreigner can do, so can I he says.
Getting step three sorted properly takes a bit more time, and I have to wind him up a bit more about this strange oriental bloke and stuff, but eventually he goes for it - and so I say don't just do it, you need to get everyone round for a bit of a party at my place to show them all how good you really are. And he falls for it.
So he invites them all round for Friday evening. I wait till it starts getting dark and pass the info on to my mates the vipers, so they know what to do.
Then something happens on Thursday that I don't expect. It's all sorted for Friday, as far as I know, when he suddenly gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. Says he wants to tell everyone on Friday, before he does the snakes bit. Not expecting that - been hoping he'd do that for months, but he didn't. If I'm honest, that's been part of the problem. So what now ? Friday is tomorrow, and it's all possibly going to go pear shaped for both of us unless I stop the vipers. Not exactly easy to drag myself away from a moment I've been waiting for, possibly the whole of my life, and he really doesn't understand why I'm not draped all over him at this point, but I've got to go into the garden and try to find the little darlings and tell them it's off. But they've gone. Obviously getting ready for tomorrow. Oh shit! So now what ? Tomorrow could be more than interesting. Reckon I need to go and find myself a few sticks for hitting snakes with with some urgency.
Alternative is to get in touch with Hades and try to call off the deal. One phone call later, it's obvious that he is not into that in the slightest. Tells me that I've shaken hands with him on it, and that if I pull out now, he'll claim he's won the bet, so I end up dead anyway. Great ! So now what? This is not turning out how I planned at all.....more to follow