The Big Day - how to die by accident

So it's Friday morning, and there I am, frantically looking behind every bush, tree, rock or anything for one of the vipers to tell them we've had a chnage of plan. Can I find them ? Can I f*ck. Find seven lizards, a bunch of geckoes, a couple of dozen grass snakes and about three thousand ants, termites and other insects. But no vipers. Great. BIG problem.
So it's back to plan B - try to find snake-proof clothing or some sort of anti-venom but the chemists haven't got any. Or any sticks for hitting snakes with. Seems like a party at a certain nightclub required all guests to dress in snakeproof stuff, and carry sticks, because they had some exotic dancer on who used snakes as part of her act and could have ended up killing the lot of them if they didn't. The suspicion that I've been tricked a bit starts to dawn on me, but I'm well and truly stuck with this. Looks like I'll have to hope he's braver and more trustworthy than I think, or I'm looking at a long time underground, whether I'm really dead or not.

So we get to the evening. I go and dress up in something that makes me look my best and all his friends show up, one by one, and eventually they're all there. That slapper Penny is there too, making goo-goo eyes at anything in trousers, but especially swoony over guess who ....anyway, the big moment arrives, when he tells them all that he's asked me to marry him and I have to give him the answer- well, no surprise there, of course it's Yes with a capital Y. It's worth every penny ( pardon the pun again) just to see the look on her face - if they could kill, the vipers wouldn't need to show up at all - and her a married woman too. Yes, I do know her other half is still negotiating with a one-eyed monster somewhere and claiming that he's nobody really, or so she's told me. If you believe that, you'll believe anything. She obviously does. Huh!

Anyway, it's snake-charming time. He starts playing, and as usual every serpent for 50 miles comes slithering and sliding into my garden. The hissing is pretty loud - hope the neighbours don't complain too much. The I spot my two little mates. I try to get their attention, but they are both pretending to be charmed and are doing the serpent conga with the rest of them. All of a sudden, though, one of them breaks out of the line, slips across to me and Wham! Ouch! It doesn't half hurt, I can tell you. Himself is up like a shot, the music stops and all the snakes look at him and each other like something stupid. Then they all shoot off into the bushes. All his friends go and get sticks and thrash about so it all gets a bit confusing, and while they're doing that, I can feel myself slipping into unconsciousness - not sure that's how you spell it - the sound goes all fuzzy, my eyes can't focus, I can't feel my arms and legs and the room spins like it does after 10 Vodka shots and the last thing I remember is falling over and then it all goes dark. That's it. Nothing else.