Back to the find a snake and go to hell routine

So anyway, I finish my "little chat" with Hades, and get the hell out of there (if you'll pardon the bad pun) Getting a bit of a bad feeling about this, but we did do a deal, and we did shake on it, and from what I've been told, although he's sneaky, and a bit of a ladies man, he sticks to his word.
So the next thing I've got to do is find a suitable snake - one that will bite me just enough to make me look dead, without actually killing me.
As chance would have it, a mate has just gone out and bought the "How to lose lots of weight by being dead for a week or two" diet book, where you lose weight by going into a coma for a fortnight or so through being poisoned. Apparently it works because you're not eating anything and your body is still burning up calories. Some people swear by it. Makes as much sense as eating vast quantities of meat and fat to poison yourself, doesn't it ?
Anyway, this book recommends a viper, if you're after being poisoned by something that bites you. The alternatives (being poisoned by something you eat or drink) don't really fit in with what I want to do. A wee bit too obvious, even to a bloke. So the viper - apparently it'll knock you out OK, make people think you've snuffed it, but chances are it won't kill you - not unless you're unlucky. You wake up a week or so later with a bad headache and a lot thinner. Also tells you where to find one, well, where they hang out, at least. So off I go into the hills to find one. Not to bite me just yet, but to have a chat about what I want them to do, when and how. Given the bloke's ability to charm wild beasts with his music, strikes me I'll have to find one that's tone-deaf, bribable and willing to play along. Because if a snake shows up all of a sudden, he'll either hit it with a stick or sing to it depending on how dangerous he thinks it is.
What's more, snakes being a fairly close-knit community round here (mostly due to people not liking them and hitting them with sticks when they see them), chances are I'll only get one shot at it, word will get around.
So eventually I see one, lying out in the sun, and I go up to him and try to engage him in a bit of conversation. He's half asleep to start with, and I have to tell him not to bite me just yet, but he gets the drift fairly quickly. Seems he's heard of my other half - as have all the other wild beasts - and he tells me they are all a bit pissed off with him - he makes them go into some sort of a trance and go to places they don't expect, really weird stuff, and then he stops playing. Phtum. Just like that. And they wake up. No idea about where they are and how they got there. So there they all are, wondering how the f*ck did I get here, what the f*ck do I do next and how do I get away without either getting killed by the locals or being eaten by something bigger than me. Being a dangerous wild beast that's always being charmed and then dumped doesn't seem a lot of fun - I can see what they mean. The birds are getting a bit fed up of flying into windows too, all tranced up so they don't look where they're going. He didn't mention wasps, and I didn't ask.
Turns out he's got a cousin who can't tell Bach from Westlife - ideal for this gig, it would seem. So we head off to meet him. I have to promise not to hit either of them with sticks and to stop other people doing it if we bump into anyone. Anyway, the cousin's up for it - provided it will stop him playing for a week or two - or longer - give them a bit of peace and quiet.
I say that I reckon he will either be so miserable about me being dead that he won't be able to charm an ant, or he'll be so ashamed that he's been found out that he won't dare sing anything for a while. That seems to be enough for them to give it the go-ahead. All we have to do now is sort out the where and when. And I have a bit of a brainwave about that - and work out a really good plan- one that will make him feel really, really bad - not just for me being dead, but also because he'll think he was actually responsible for it too - a real double whammy. So I tell them to hang about in the garden at twilight for a few days and I'll tip them off when it's all going to happen. Then I have to go and start working on him. The poor bastard won't know what hit him. Serves him right, if you ask me, for messing with my head and making me jealous.
There's still more to follow...